Saturday [The Beauty in the Breakdown]

I am entirely overwhelmed

consumed in a million thoughts and emotions at once

buried under a tonne of bricks




and entirely excited about digging through.

Here's the thing..
I am not the same.

And yet, I haven't changed.

I know there is still so much ahead of me
and the me in the future has so much to learn from the me in the past.

It's so easy to fall back into old habits.
So much easier than pressing on and moving on and moving up and moving closer and moving towards what you should be,

but I don't want be remembered by those old habits.

And while it makes me sad that I haven't grown out of them,
I'm excited for the opportunity to prove that I can do this.

Because I know I am worth it, and I know He is worth it even more.

I'm going back to the start.
Back to the heart.
Back to what moves me.
What inspires me.
What shapes me.
Who created me.

I'd say I'm running back to Jesus,
but it's more of a crawl.

I am broken. I am battered. I am battle scarred and I am bruised.
I am bewildered. I am bemused and I am beginning all over again.

now I know I'm gonna win the war...