Friday [The Carpenter and the King]

There is this thing I can't explain, it's elusive;
a longing at best
a complete mystery at worst.

There is this thing I can't explain, it's compelling;
hopeful at best
utterly desperate at worst.

There is this thing I can't explain, it's eternal;
blissful at best
obnoxiously relentless at worst.

There is this thing I can't explain,
not because words fail me
or because I couldn't do it justice even if I tried.
Though those are valid on their own.

But the reason I can't explain it is because I just don't know.

I don't know why a king would choose to demote himself to a carpenter.
I don't know why he would choose to love those who persecuted him.
I don't know why he would lay his life at the feet of those who hated him the most, so that he may save those he loved the most.

I can only guess what kind of love that might be.
Can only guess what that looks like on paper.
Can only guess what that means for me.
For my life.

Please understand, the reason I can't explain this is because;

I would never try.

Not in words.
Not in analogies.
Not in stories.
Not in facts or fictions or biographies or interpretive dances.
And thus probably not in anyway you might understand.

You want explanations?
You want words and stories and interpretive dances?
I can do those,
[yes, even the dances]
but they won't give you the answers you seek.

If you want to know,
then ask him yourself.

Seek him yourself.
Find him yourself.

Then you won't be able to blame me for not doing him justice.

and then showing us how blind and unaware of you we are

Thursday [The Healing]

Yesterdays sadness has no words.
Todays could be just as bad.
Maybe.

My heart breaks.

I want home.
I want this to be over.
I want to be happy again.


I can't remember what that feels like.

I can't remember what anything feels like.
Just this overwhelming constant sadness.


Please go away.

I'm looking towards the outcome, there must be some hidden reason.