Sunday [The Letter...]

Dear future boyfriend/husband,

would you still love me if: 

I did embarrassing things in public places? I spoke too loud, too fast, too much?

 I switched the music on your Ipod to tween pop by prepubescent boys?

 I always made you decide what we should do/where we should go? I refused to talk to you for hours after an argument? 

I always made you wash the dishes because I didn’t want to wreck my nail polish? 

I spent all my time reading books and ignored basic hygiene/well being practices? 

Every time you talked about important things, I interrupted with useless facts about celebrities? 

I sang all your favourite songs off key and out of time? I gave your friends nicknames based on their physical attributes? 

I danced down the aisles in grocery stores? I farted in public and blamed it on you?

 I filled our house with animals and complained to them about you? I kicked you in my sleep, all the time? 

I insisted on hiding behind you when meeting your family/friends/family friends? 

I picked fights with you just because I was bored? I never listened to a word you say? I always made you order for me in restaurants?

 I spent days dressing/ talking in a cultural theme? I ran away from you all the time? I never believed you when you told me you love me?

 I was always fishing for compliments? I got upset because you didn’t say things the way I wanted you to? 

I used big words you didn’t understand and then rolled my eyes when you asked me to explain?

 I had tantrums when things didn’t go my way? I always blew our budget within the first week of the month?

 I got distracted from you every time someone showed me the least bit of affection? I made every bottle of soft drink flat before drinking it?

 I used you as the taste tester for adventurous and not always successful cooking experiments?

 For every year we were together, I put on five kilos, but got touchy if you brought it up?

 I burst into spontaneous laughter for seemingly no reason, at inappropriate times? I fell over all the time?

 I forgot things that were important, and remembered things that weren’t? I said inappropriate things to your parents?

 I didn’t like your friends? I purred like a cat every time you touched me? I smashed things when we argued?

 I made up stories about things all the time? I was terrible at paying bills on time?

 I made you make all the important phone calls, ever, because they made me nervous? I fed you so much you felt sick, all the time? 

I called you fat? I ran away to my parents house every time I was upset with you?

 I was clingy and needy and stubborn and complained about everything you did? I redid everything after you because it wasn’t good enough, ever? 

I beat you up when you did things I didn’t like? I was always competing with you? I listened to the t.v/ music/ computer too loud?

 I regularly pretended to be someone else? I stole your best shirts/jumpers to wear out? I always washed your clothes on the wrong cycle? 

I ironed things in funny ways? I pretended not to know you on the street?

 I moved things around the house and didn’t tell you where they were? I giggled like a five year old at immature things? 

I was just plain weird?

Because, well, really, these are all things I do/would do. If you can handle all of that, then I’ve got a feeling you might just be perfect for me.

now, i just need to find you.

dance, dance, dance...