Sunday [The Recurring Nightmare...]

why does my heart still race a little when i dream of you?

why does the thought of you coming back, 

even only in my subconscious,

make me a little bit melancholy,

a little bit lonely?

even though in reality,

i don't want you back,

i wouldn't ever want you back....

and yet...

i don't know if i'd say no if you were to suggest it.

i'm not sure if that's just because i want someone to fill that spot,

or if, 

deep down, 

i wish it had worked out.

this morning i dreamt that you told me you loved me.

even in my dream state i thought to ask you,

what happened to the girl you were marrying?

you told me not to worry about her,

but i knew, deep down, that you were still together.

what am i meant to do about you?

it's been three years since i saw you last.

my entire life is different,

wonderful, 

and going in all the directions i always wanted it to go.

you absolutely destroyed me,

and it's taken me this long to get back on my feet.

there are still things i struggle with, but i know,

those too shall pass.

the thing that shatters me most is that i know you don't care.

the likelihood of my name or face ever crossing your mind,

well, 

i'm sure it doesn't happen.

i guess i take comfort in the fact that the you i dream of sometimes,

isn't you.

he has brown eyes, where yours are blue,

a dimple that doesn't exist on your face,

and the best smile i've ever seen.

still, there are certain characteristics that are entirely you

and it is these,

more than anything else,

that sets my heart a racing.

but why?

i want to find someone worth loving again.

someday, you will, be loved...