Wednesday [The Past, The Present...]

I found this:

"I've wanted words for this for so long, but they've never come when I was prepared, and the moment I was, they'd leave again.

And now? Someone else is writing the story I always wanted to.

If this sounds cryptic, that's because it is.

There's so many how's and why's and when's and so many things yet to be explained/discovered/understood.

The only thing I do not question, because it is written on my heart, and doubting it would be like doubting my own existence.

The only thing I do not question is that this is what I am here for. That giving my life to others is where my story begins and where my story ends.

I feel, as I read someone else's words, completely inspired and yet somewhat... hopeless?

The truth is, I do not know where to start in living out my story.

I do not know what word comes first.

There, I've said it, and it's out.

I guess really, it's a matter of beginning with the beginning, and since my beginning is to learn all I can, that's where I'll start.

In reality, it's where I should have started two years ago, 

but I didn't know all of this then.

I wish I did.

I wish someone had told me the story of a girl who was born to help people and would never feel accomplished, or even truly happy,

until she did.

I wish someone had warned me that once you learn what it is that has been placed in your heart,

the calling becomes stronger than anything imaginable.

I wish someone had told me that it was possible.

That it is possible to live it out without completely sacrificing everything that is necessary to you,

because once you start feeding your calling, the necessities take care of themselves.

I'm going to start my story now:

My name is Dominika. I am 19. I am engaged. I am at university studying psychology and counselling.

More than anything in life, I just want to help, whoever needs it.

And above and before all else, I believe this is the one and only thing that will make me happy, because it's the one and only thing God has carved into my heart.

The rest is optional."

It's four years later.

Oh, how things change.

Sometimes, I am so terribly sad for that girl. 

So terribly sad about the fact that all the things she thought were real and good and true turned out to be

all the things that weren't right for her.

And yet, I'm glad that she had a chance to exist. 

To be the person she was so that she could become the person she is.

I am none of those things anymore.

My name is Dominika. I am 23. I am single. I am at university studying fine arts and arts.

More than anything in life, I just want to create, however that happens.

And above and before all else, I know, without a doubt that this is the one and only thing that will make me happy. 

Because it's the one and only thing that makes me happy.

The rest is optional.

all things go, all things go...