Monday [The Thankfulness..]

I'll be the first to admit that I don't remember what your voice sounds like anymore.
sometimes, you pass through my mind
I blink
and continue with my work without pausing for breath
sometimes I spend hours lost in thoughts of you. 

I am learning not to miss you, I am learning not to crave the way it feels to kiss you, to be kissed by you
to have my mind stilled and my heart set alight by you.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't remember what your hands feel like anymore.
sometimes, someone asks me how you are and I shrug it off without a second thought.
I don't know
I don't need to know
I am okay with not knowing

I am learning not to think about you endlessly
I am learning to live without you weaving a path through my days.

I'll be the first to admit that today, I spoke to you
and maybe this makes me crazy, but I swear I heard you reply.
I felt you respond, not with words
but with the surety of love.


love.


I am so lucky to be loved by a man who would move mountains and stars to be the best he can.
if there was one thing I could tell you now 
it would be that I love you.
I want morning and noon and nightfall with you.
I want your best and your worst and all the moments in between.
I want campfires and books in bed
sunrises and sunsets
I want moments of endlessly wild passion
sleep ins and lazy Sunday's
I want your heart, every thought you've ever had, every dream you've ever dreamt
I want to walk with you hand in hand
for the rest of our days

I want you.


I'm just having a hard time remembering what that feels like anymore.