Wednesday [The Apology…]

To the girl who at 9 was teased because her shorts rode up her thighs,

I'm sorry.

To the 10 year old who was made to feel weird because she no longer fit into children's clothes,

I'm sorry.

To the 12 year old who got called fat by her peers, and her parents,

I'm sorry.

To the 13 year old who got teased by adults for having dimples in her hands,

I'm sorry.

To the 14 year old who lost all the weight and then got made fun of for dressing up too much,

I'm sorry.

To the 21 year old who can count on one finger the amount of times her parents have called her beautiful,

who got made to feel entirely worthless by the boy she was going to marry,

I'm sorry.

To the 27 year old who still struggles so much in believing in her own worth, her own beauty, her own strength and talent and light,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't stand up more for you.

I'm sorry I couldn't make their words hurt less or their hearts understand the damage they were doing. 

I'm sorry you were made to feel worst by the people who were supposed to love you most.

I'm sorry that your heart was not built to hold that kind of hurt. 

That instead you had to build up walls to keep them out and keep yourself safe.

Please know this:

you are an amazing girl, who will grow into an incredible woman.

You are smart and stunning and funny and clever and creative and amazingly good at what you do.

You do not need anyone else's approval.

Be yourself,

love yourself.

I know their words hurt.

I know you feel like you could never be enough.

I know it is hard to be vulnerable and to open up and let yourself feel things when all you hear is how much you fall short.

I know you have been strong and silent because you feel like your only options are strength and silence.

You are worth so so so much more than that.

You are beautiful.

You will one day make grown men trip over their feet and take away the breath of the man you will marry.

He will take your tattered heart and make you feel safer than you ever have.

But you do not need to wait for him.

Hold your own heart, be vulnerable, be truthful, be love.

Know that it is okay to feel things.

That the hurt you feel is real and you do not have to carry it alone.

And know that I am sorry. 

For holding onto this for so long and not letting you know:

your worth is not determined by anyone else's words but your own.